Tales of Mine
by icy roses
Summary: Memories of love, acceptance, betrayal, and redemption. Kaede is haunted by family lost, and silently wishes on the silver stars at night. Dream, darling, dream of a different yesterday.


**A/N: This story is from the point of view of Kaede, Kikyo's sister. I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters. That honor goes to the brilliant Rumiko Takahashi. The plot pretty closely follows what really happened, but some of it has been modified for the purpose of the story. Also, Kaede's "archaic" form of talking has been disregarded, because it would be distracting to the plot.**

**This isn't supposed to be a romance story. So don't regard it as a InuKik (Actually, I went far enough as to modify it because the implied InuKik was really starting to bother me). Especially not, because I'm InuKag all the way. It's supposed to be a story about emotions and familial love. This story takes place before Kagome ever went through the well.**

**It's a pretty long one shot. Just warning you. **

**Italics are flashbacks.**

**Enjoy!**

When I was very small I would sit on my sister's lap, and she would tell me stories before I went to bed. These weren't your average bedtime stories. They were fantastic epic faerie tales with dashing heroes, beautiful heroines, and the most devious villains. They would take nights and nights to finish, but my sister would make every installment as interesting as the one before.

The night of the climax and ending was always the best. Everything would be resolved and the loose ends tied up. The hero slew the villain, or banished him, or made sure he could never harm anyone again. He saved his heroine, and they lived happily ever after. That was the best part. Living happily ever after. Every one of my sister's faerie tales ended like that. And I would snuggle up bed, and she would tuck me in. She would kiss me on the cheek and say, "See? It all turned out all right in the end, didn't it?"

I would frown and ask, "What does 'happily ever after' mean? Do they make lots of money? Or have lots of kids? Or live a long, long time? Or…or…hmmm." My sister would laugh and say, "Sure. They do whatever. They're just happy."

"That's good, I guess. Being happy is good. I want us to live happily ever after, just like in a faerie tale," I would reply naïvely, like a little girl would.

My sister always laughed at that and ruffled my hair affectionately. "Of course. We will. One day, we'll get rid of all those nasty demons, and we can live together happily ever after. Just like in those faerie tales."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay. But I want to be the hero. The heroine never gets to do anything interesting. She just waits for the hero to rescue her. That's boring. You can be the heroine. I'll save you from everything bad. So you don't have to be scared."

My sister would smile gently. "I won't ever be scared because I know my brave little sister will be there to save me. And you just go on being hero. I like being the heroine."

I would bounce back up in bed, full of energy. "Good. Faerie tales are fun. I always wanted to be in a faerie tale. Can I decide what we're going to do?"

"Quiet down. It's time for bed. You can plan it all out tomorrow." My sister would push my back down and tuck me in again. "That's my good girl. Go to sleep now, okay? Sweet dreams."

My sister would sit there until she was sure I was asleep. I would roll over and face the wall so she did not see that my eyes were open. I would lie motionless, thinking about all the adventures we would have and all the villains we would defeat.

"And we lived happily ever after," I would whisper softly, too softly for her to hear. "Together."

That was a long time ago, and sometimes, some of the stories come back to me. My childhood was like a dream. A wonderful, beautiful dream. But dreams don't last forever. Eventually, you have to wake up and face the world.

I dreamed once. It was a long, happy dream. But then, I woke up. I woke up to a rainy Monday morning life. And I couldn't go back to sleep.

So the seasons passed me by, year by year, leaving me behind or forgetting me. It seems like I am always among the forgotten. But I am not among those who forget. I remember it all. I remember it like it all happened yesterday. But it was not yesterday. It was years and years ago. So long ago that nobody wants to remember it, least of all myself. But while other people succeed in forgetting, I do not. I am like the secret hall of records that contains all of the broken memories other people discard.

I don't want to be the caretaker of memory anymore. I wish I could just forget it. But you don't always get what you want. Sometimes the world just hands you a burden, and you have to carry it. So I do. That is me. I am Kaede.

_"Kikyo! Big sister! Are you okay?" A young girl of eight or nine, named Kaede, ran up to her older sister, a girl of about seventeen: Kikyo. The older girl slowly lowered her bow, and admired her handiwork. A demon lay slain a few yards from her feet. Kikyo bent down and examined it, then straightened and gave a nod of approval. "It's all right now, Kaede," she announced quietly._

_The younger girl looked up at her sister in bright, undisguised admiration. She wished that she could be just like her brave big sister. "One day," she thought, "one day, I'll be a demon-slayer priestess like Kikyo." She had a very determined look on her face. "I'm not afraid of working hard. If I am good and quick at learning, then Sister Kikyo will teach me more and more. That's all I want. To learn more."_

_Kikyo knelt down next to her little sister. She pointed at the dead demon remains and said, "See? It's my job to rid the world of these monsters. Someday you will do it too." Kikyo looked solemn. She took Kaede's face in her hands and looked into her eyes. "Demons only cause pain and suffering to villagers. They don't do any good to anyone. The only good demon is a dead demon. You mustn't ever think otherwise, Kaede. Do you understand?"_

_Kaede nodded, her eyes big and wide. Sister Kikyo always told her this after every mission was over. It was the first thing Kaede learned, and it was impressed deeply into her mind. She would never forget it._

_After a few moments, Kikyo stood up and beckoned the girl to follow her. She began to walk away, gliding silently into the cover of the forest. Kaede trailed after her, but her head was turned back. She watched the demon and shivered. Yes. Sister Kikyo was right. Demons were evil._

I had never thought to believe anything different than what my sister told me. Kikyo was my idol, and I loved her. If she told me that demons were bad, then they were bad. I never questioned her word. I believed her. Just like I believed it when she told me that we would live happily ever after. What could a little girl do? Kikyo was the one thing in the world that I could rely on. She was the only one I had left.

Mother and Father had died when I was five and Kikyo was fourteen. A flock of passing demon birds had killed them. Demon birds are ravenous, and they roam the countryside destroying everything in their path. We were unfortunate enough to be in their path. I remember Kikyo shaking me up frantically and dragging me forcefully into the forest, running as fast as she could. Cries of villagers echoed horribly behind us. It was a chilling sound. We hid in safety of the trees and watched as the birds devoured everything—humans, crops, and livestock—nothing was safe from them. Kikyo held me against her tightly as I cried, partly to soothe my crying, which could not be soothed, partly to muffle my sound from the birds that were nearby. I cried for hours. I knew what the destruction of the demon birds meant. Nothing would be the same again. Not for Kikyo or me.

Kikyo was the rock that I could lean on in the toughest times. It didn't matter how frightening the situation was for her; she was there for me in a way that no one else was. She was strong, when I was not. She made the decision to become a priestess and demon-slayer. There was just something about her that I could never explain, or put into words. She was always so calm and cool, her every move was calculated and decisive. She could impart a sense of well-being in other people, and quiet them when it was necessary. She was not a vocal or loud person. She was never one to waste words. She was solid and real, but illusive and mysterious. She was Kikyo. She was my sister.

I never questioned my sister. But I wonder if she ever questioned herself. Did she ever think about whether what she did was right? I don't believe so. It seemed like she did not choose the path based on its "rightness." It seemed like the path became right because she chose it.

Perhaps that was it. But I was just a girl, and oblivious to what was happening around me. I was not keen on observing my surroundings. Never was. Maybe if I had been, I could have told Kikyo on that fateful day, that something was not right. Kikyo already knew it, but she did not pull back. It was as if she was walking toward her destiny, without wavering, without a second thought. Like walking smilingly into lion's den. Sometimes it is courageous to walk in the face of danger, into the heart of fate. Sometimes it is foolhardy. I have never decided whether what Kikyo did was brave or stupid. If I could have prevented it, I would have. If I had known what it would lead to, I would have. Maybe it happened because I did not stop her. Or maybe it was because Kikyo walked into danger on purpose. Or maybe fate willed it to happen, and nothing else mattered.

_"Kaede, stay away! Do not come any closer until I tell you to!" Kikyo's eyes were narrowed in concentration. She notched the arrow onto her bowstring and pulled it back. A moment of tension, then a sharp twang. It was an excellent shot, and the arrow hissed just passed the demon. The demon screamed in fury and half slithered, half flew devastatingly close to Kikyo. She jumped and dodged it just in time._

_The younger girl, Kaede, hid fearfully behind a large rock, watching on. This was the longest battle she had ever experienced, and Kikyo looked close to exhaustion. The demon was spiteful and fluidly quick as ever._

_"Here, let me help!" A woman jumped out, seemingly from nowhere and approached the demon with confidence. She held no weapons, but she had her hands folded in front of her, as if blocking something. She was robed in dark blue and had some strange beads around her neck. Her gleaming, raven black hair flowed down her back loosely and shimmered oddly in the sun._

_Kaede saw a small bright pinpoint appear from the woman's palm, then grow larger and larger. It exploded in a blinding blast of light, and Kaede shut her eyes tightly. She saw lights behind her eyelids. It was a few moments before she could open her eyes again, and when she did, the demon was pegged to the ground with Kikyo's sacred arrow._

_Kikyo and the stranger stood together above the demon's body. Kaede ran out from behind the rock and approached the carcass cautiously. The demon was definitely dead._

_Kaede looked up at the woman standing next to her sister. The stranger was a shorter woman than Kikyo, and a little older. She had a thin face and a sharp chin. She looked pleased and smiled, but the smile did not reach her cold eyes. "Well done, Kikyo, priestess and slayer of demons." It was meant to be a compliment, Kaede supposed, but it sounded mocking. Kikyo only smiled and said, "Thank you," very politely, if a little curtly._

_The piercing stare of the woman frightened Kaede, and she pulled at her sister to go. Kikyo looked down with a tiny frown and shook her head very slightly, warning the younger girl not to be rude._

_"Ha! I can tell your sister wants to be on her way," laughed the woman. "Then I shall thank you again for helping to slay the demon. It has pestered our village for a long while." She spoke as if the village was where she lived, but Kaede doubted it very much. She did not seem like the kind of woman who settled down in a village. There was something unmistakably wild about her. The woman continued, "But I shall warn you of one thing before you go. You are not a stupid woman, Kikyo." She smiled, her eyes glittering like daggers. "You aren't like other women, and don't pretend like you are. But you are a woman nevertheless. Other women would fall in love and give their whole lives to men," she spat, as if she had something poisonous in her mouth. "Men! Stupid things. The men and the women who devote themselves to them," she said, shaking her head. She looked back at Kikyo. "Not you, though. Mikos have to gain power. Men distract them from that. That is the sacrifice that we priestesses have to make. Although I'd hardly call it a sacrifice," she scoffed. "You can't ever give your heart to a man. It will result in doom and destruction for you and everyone around you. Don't ever make that mistake." She paused. "And I can assure you, it will be a mistake."_

_The woman gave a malevolent little laugh and winked. Kaede could have sworn that she saw her eyes gleam red for a moment, but then it was past. Kikyo nodded her head in thanks for the advice and turned to leave. "Don't forget it!" the woman called out from behind. Kikyo made no reply. Kaede followed silently in the wake._

_Kikyo was quiet for a very long time, and Kaede began to feel sleepy. "What a thing for her to do," Kikyo commented after an hour of silence. Kaede was jolted by surprise by the suddenness of the statement. "What?" she asked, knowing that something was amiss but not knowing what._

_"That woman cursed me," Kikyo said, as calmly as if she were remarking on the weather._

_"What?" Kaede burst out, swiveling around to look at her sister, half incredulous at the realization of a curse, half shocked that her sister deigned to speak of it like a trivial matter._

_Kikyo was quiet for a moment, then she looked down and smiled a little bit. "Don't worry, Kaede. If there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that I'll never fall in love, so you don't have to worry. I won't ever fall in love."_

_Kaede's shoulders relaxed. She couldn't ever imagine Kikyo with a man. Kikyo was too independent, too aloof, and too perfect to require one. She was a complete piece all by herself, and she needed no one._

_But Kaede looked up at her older sister and felt a sudden twinge in her heart. Kikyo's features were smooth and finely drawn. Her eyes were pretty and ringed with long dark lashes. She was slim and attractive, her hair falling down to her waist. Kikyo was so beautiful, how could she not fall in love with one of the hundreds of men that lusted after her? And there were certainly hundreds. Kikyo attracted men everywhere she went. Her heart was soft and loving; love would come easily to her._

_Kaede shifted uncomfortably on her feet and wished that Kikyo had not gone to that particular village. The woman's curse hung like an ominous cloud the both of them._

I later discovered that the strange woman's name was Tsubaki, and she was a miko like my sister. I never asked Kikyo to verify the information. They were supposedly rivals, after all. And I was painstakingly careful of my sister's feelings.

I wondered why Kikyo was so staunchly against love. She had promised me that she wouldn't ever love a man. Was it just because of the curse? Or did she dislike love before then? I would always wonder, but I would never know.

When our parents died, she was pretty, she was young, and she was talented. It would have been easy for her to marry, and she would have had financial support for the rest of her life. It may have been selfish of me to think this, but I thought that she did not because there was no guarantee that I would be taken care of. Perhaps a decent man would have taken me in, but most would have married me off at a young age and sent me far away from my sister. It would be too much to ask of a man to take care of a child that was not his. Another mouth to feed when food was scarce and money low.

Perhaps Kikyo was afraid of letting herself love anyone. Love can be a frightening thing. It is demanding and ever-changing, and it required a great deal of trust. Kikyo was wary of trusting anyone but herself. She protected and took care of me, but when it came down to it, she would not trust me to do the important things. She was independent and self-reliant. She had taught herself to be that way and what it taught is not very easily untaught.

I also wondered if Kikyo ever felt bereft without love. All the girls her age wore rouge and flirted with boys. Kikyo never did. She never gave a second glance to any man. It wasn't because she didn't have suitors. Kikyo had many. Young and not-so-young, wealthy and not-so-wealthy, they all flocked to her. She had a kind of natural charm and beauty that was rare among young women. She also had a measure of mystery, and I suppose men liked that.

Either way, it was too late now. The witch woman had sealed my sister's fate. She could not fall in love. One door of opportunity, closed forever. Kikyo expressed no regret at this, other than remarking that the woman was "not very nice." After that incident, she never spoke of the curse again, and I never brought it up for fear of upsetting her. I probably shouldn't have worried. My sister hardly seemed to care. It was like refusing her something that she never wanted in the first place, so it didn't matter, apparently.

There was one man who loved or lusted after her steadfastly. Even now, I'm not sure which it was. It could have been that he truly was attracted to her, like a lot of other men were. Or it could have been that she was just the only woman he ever had contact to, so he naturally clung to her. He was a frightening figure, and although Kikyo was always kind to him, I secretly hated him. He scared me thoroughly, and I could have happily seen him disappear off the face of the earth without a single backward glance. His name was Onigumo.

Kikyo never told me the full extent of the story, probably because it was too gory and terrifying for an eight-year-old girl. She simply said that he was a poor man, badly burned and in need of care. I wanted to know more, but Kikyo sent me her warning look, which told me to stay quiet. I later learned from bits and pieces of conversation that strayed my way. He was a thief that had turned on his leader, who in turn, set fire to his hotel, tossed him over a cliff and left him for dead. Kikyo found him and hid him in an abandoned cave.

I did not get to see him until Kikyo had properly treated and bandaged his wounds. Even then, there wasn't much to see. He was burned and scarred all over, so the linen bandages covered everything except his eye, which stared stiffly back. At first he couldn't speak, and we treated him in silence. In the darkness of the cave, it was chilling.

But months later, after my sister's best efforts, Onigumo regained usage of his voice. I thought that his talking was even worse than the silence. He spoke of things that made me shiver and cringe. I hated being there with him, but Kikyo insisted. She told me to take pity on him, because he would never move again. I knew I should have felt bad for him, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't make myself like him. There was just something…wrong…about him. And it wasn't just his appearance.

_Kaede crept silently into the cave that housed Onigumo. Kikyo would not be going with her that day. The little girl clutched the basket tightly to quell her fears. She hated the dark, and she hated the scary man that lived in it even more._

_"Kaede…" a hoarse voice whispered out of the darkness. "Where's Kikyo?" The thickly bandaged man lay motionless on the ground, a grimy blue blanket covering most of his body. His single, wide-open eye stared back, glazed over._

_The little girl trembled at the sound of Onigumo's voice. It was grated and harsh. "She's not coming today," she responded shortly. The man was silent. Kaede wondered if he had heard her, but dared not ask. "The faster I get out of here, the better," she thought frantically. She quickly unpacked the food and drink and set it on the ground carefully._

_She cringed at the sight of it. Even his food had to be mashed up, in order for him to ingest it properly. He couldn't move his jaws very well, after all. "Here goes," she thought, an edge of disgust creeping into her expression. She had to feed him. It was a rather unnerving job. And generally, Kaede would rather have faced ten demons herself than hand feed the incapacitated man. But Sister Kikyo had begged Kaede to do the job that day. And so Kaede had agreed, naturally._

_"Is your sister always so calm and cool? Does she ever show emotion?" Onigumo asked, his voice catching Kaede off guard._

_"W-What?" she stuttered, surprised that he should speak to her. He usually took no notice of her when Kikyo was there._

_"You heard what I said," he replied coldly._

_Kaede hated his rudeness, but she would be the bigger person in this. "At least I can move," she thought spitefully. But then she mentally scolded herself for being so heartless. "Sister Kikyo would be disappointed in me," she thought._

_"Ummm…well, yes. Why?" she said nervously._

_Onigumo was silent for a moment. But it was a malicious silence. Kaede felt that if she could see his face, he would be smirking. "She thinks she knows everything. She's always so smug and sure of herself. What I'd give to see her humbled and scared. Hah!" He laughed. It wasn't a very nice laugh._

_Kaede fled out of the cave. She didn't ever want to see that horrible man again. Kikyo didn't like him either, she was sure of it. Kikyo had someone else. She had promised that she wouldn't fall in love, but Kaede was sure that she already had._

I had told Sister Kikyo about that conversation immediately after I saw her. But she responded nonchalantly and waved it off. I wanted to shake some sense into her, to make her abandon him and just let him die. I didn't feel guilty for my thoughts. I felt sure that he would do something bad to us all. I wasn't exactly sure how, but I knew that he would. He was such a horrific man. I hated him.

But Sister Kikyo had better things to attend to. She seemed so much happier, those days. She never told me why, of course, but I wasn't stupid in the ways of the world. Only love could make someone normally so pale and aloof, glow like a milkmaid in springtime. And I knew who it was that was making her so happy. Oh yes, I knew exactly who it was.

It had come out of a chance encounter after one of my sister's grueling battles. I wasn't there to see her meet it, but I met him soon enough. He had saved me from a demon. Me, a silly little girl he didn't even know. My sister had thanked him for it. I was just an eight-year-old girl, but I knew love when I saw it. I knew that heartsick look in Kikyo's eyes every time she gazed at him. And I saw that look right back from him.

_Kikyo slumped, exhausted from the effort of purifying the latest demon. This one had been after the Shikon Jewel, she was sure of it. She sighed weakly. Most of them were these days. "I have to purify it," she thought determinedly. "Otherwise, these demons will never leave us alone."_

_She fought the darkness that was enveloping her. "I'm so tired, so tired. Maybe I'll just sleep. Yes. Just for a few minutes…" She slipped into unconsciousness._

_Far above her, hidden in a thickly leafed tree, sat a half-demon. Or was he? His hair was a shiny black, and there was no sign of the tell-tale claws or ears. He cursed silently. "Night of the new moon again. Damn." He stared curiously down at the young woman lying motionless on the muddy ground. "I just saw her purify that demon. Best not get too close," he thought cautiously._

_But curiosity got the best of him, of course. Do we not know this story? He leapt down silently and inched up warily to the fallen miko. She really was out. "Hmmm…isn't this that priestess that's supposed to have the Jewel? Yeah, I think she is," he mused with interest._

_"She's a lot prettier than I would have imagined," he thought, unbidden. "Keh, but who cares? I just need to get the Jewel, then I'm outta here." He wondered if she carried it on her, but before he had the chance to check, he heard voices and saw the flicker of torches coming. "Damn it," he muttered under his breath before leaping to the safety of the trees above. "Ah, well I couldn't have done anything much tonight anyway. Maybe we'll see each other again, priestess," he whispered._

_Kaede and few other villagers rushed to the fallen woman. "Sister! Are you all right? Wake up! Wake up, please!" she cried, shaking Kikyo's shoulders._

_"Hmmm?" Kikyo's eyes opened a slit, and she groaned. "I'm so sore. But I did it. The demon is gone," she murmured, half to herself, half to her worried sister. "I'll be all right. A few days rest, and I'll be as good as new," she reassured. She smiled weakly._

_Kaede was not at all convinced by her sister's charade. It must have been something exceedingly strong for her sister to pass out like that. But Kaede breathed a sigh of relief. It was over at least. "Come. Let's get you back to the village," she said. She motioned for two of the stronger men to take hold of each of her arms. Sister Kikyo would not be able to walk back herself this time. Kaede was enormously grateful that she had thought of bringing others along._

_She looked up at her sister, and to her surprise, Kikyo was not looking ahead to the village. Her gaze was trained backward to the forest. "Who was that?" she said softly. Kaede was confused. "Who was what?" she asked. Kikyo swung her head back and said, "Oh. Nothing. Something I thought I saw."_

_Kaede didn't push it. She was happy that her sister was okay. But she lagged behind and looked up at the tree in curiosity. There didn't seem to be anything there. She thought that maybe she caught a flash of red, but then it was gone. "There's nothing there," she told herself. Maybe not._

Yes, I didn't know it at the time, but there was someone there. A very significant someone. We didn't learn his name until later, or at least my sister did. He was sick of her calling him "half-demon." Apparently, it bothered him a great deal. So he told her his name.

_"Stop calling me 'half-demon' over and over again!" he snarled._

_A small smile graced Kikyo's lips. She responded coolly, "Tell me your name then! And I'd have no reason to call you 'half-demon' anymore."_

_There was an almost inaudible growl from him. "It's Inuyasha."_

Yes, even then, his name had to be forced from him. He was such a stubborn figure. But I liked him. There were few suitors of hers that I liked, but I could say that I liked him. He was rude, yes. He was immature, obviously. But there was a certain lovable aspect of him. I suppose Kikyo found him adorable.

So maybe, once, Kikyo was wrong. Demons weren't all bad. At least, half-demons weren't. So he was crude and coarse. Deep inside, he was soft-hearted, and we both knew it. I teasingly asked my sister once, "Demons are all evil, are they, Sister?" Kikyo had blushed and laughed. "Yes, Kaede. Even Inuyasha. That nasty thing, he's just waiting to show his true colors!" We both had a good laugh at that.

He had saved my life, and it made me in his debt forever. He didn't have to at all. I don't even think he knew that I was Kikyo's sister. But he did it all the same. And I was grateful. He was my hero. Any child my age would have hero-worshipped him. Kikyo never told me, of course, but I could figure for myself that they loved each other. And I could figure for myself that she would probably want to get him to settle down with her.

Tsubaki's curse, long forgotten by then, I eagerly awaited for them to just get it done. I knew he would marry her, why wouldn't he? I'd seen the way he looked at her, and they way he treated her. He wouldn't be that nice to anyone else, I was sure. In the back of my mind, I registered that he once wanted the Jewel. But not now. He certainly couldn't care less for it now, I was positive.

Sometimes, when I went to bed, I would see Kikyo thinking about something deeply. And I knew that she was thinking of him. Sometimes, she would smile a bit. I mean, truly smile. She was the happiest I had ever seen her. I always liked it when she was happy.

Once, I even saw her take out a small shell of rouge, and apply it to her lips, smiling all the while. I had never, in living memory, seen my sister put on any sort of anything that could be classified as makeup. But she looked beautiful. I would have told her so, except that I was supposed to be sleeping. My sister had changed. She had changed more in that one month with Inuyasha, than she had her entire life. Is this what love did to a person?

And yes, I knew that Kikyo was growing weaker all the while. Even as a girl not fully miko yet, I could sense her power fading day by day. It didn't worry me much. Now, when demons came to claim the Shikon Jewel, Inuyasha would be there, fighting along side her. It was a great asset. I was so sure that he would always be around to protect us, it didn't bother me, what I was sensing. Perhaps my sister could tell for herself that she wasn't the miko she once was, but then again, perhaps not. She was so lovestruck, she hardly would have noticed if I disappeared. There was no one, but Inuyasha in her eyes.

Was I upset? No. I just wanted to see her happy. That's really all I ever wanted. Her happiness was mine. She did deserve it. She had helped out so many others, it was only fair that she get to help herself this time around. And so when she asked me to care for Onigumo myself that day, I agreed. He was odd. It was almost as if he could sense that Kikyo held another close to her heart, and that was why she was neglecting him. Did it make him angry? I'm sure it did. I could almost sense the anger bubbling just beneath the surface, ready to explode. I didn't want to be there when it did.

Kikyo's power was steadily waning, and she was not aware of it. But a certain incident showed her how dangerous her love really was. Really dangerous. Not only to herself, but to those around her. No, it made her question her love, and whether it was all meant to be. And through all that questioning, it made her doubt the sincerity of his voice, the future. It made her afraid, for the first time in a long time.

_"Kikyo! Kikyo, where are you!" Kaede sobbed while searching frantically for her sister. The sky was dark. Demons had come. And they wanted the Jewel._

_Where was the priestess? Kaede was frustrated and frightened at the same time, impossibly. Kikyo was "secretly" off with Inuyasha. Secretly, eh? Not if the entire village knew about it. Oh yes, she was the current gossip of the old ladies. Somehow, they all managed to know where she was during every hour of the day. It shouldn't have been too hard. Three guesses._

_But no, the demons had already begun to descend. There was a swarm of them, a larger swarm than Kaede dared to remember. They were a hissing, screeching, howling wall of destruction, looming ever closer. It was terrifying sight to behold. For a moment, Kaede pondered what she could do to hold off them off. She bit her lip and shook her head. "No, I have to try," she thought desperately._

_So, she darted inside the shrine and grabbed her own set of bow and arrows. She wasn't much of a shot, but she'd give it a try. What was there to do, anyway? Kikyo had mysteriously disappeared. Silently, Kaede scolded her sister. Sometimes, it seemed as if Kikyo had forgotten that she held the Jewel in her hands. _

_She notched the arrow onto the bowstring and aimed. Not well, of course. Her hands were sweating and trembling; it was a wonder that she fired anywhere near the demon at all. "I've got to concentrate," she told herself, pushing all thoughts of anything else far to the back of her mind. "I've got to. If Sister is not going to be here, then I have to protect the village."_

_Kaede shot a whole quiver full of arrows. Her aiming had improved slightly, for she felled three demons. But it seemed like the swarm only grew ever larger. "I'll never be able to hold them off at this rate," she thought._

_She was about to give up the Jewel for lost, when out of nowhere, she heard her sister's voice calling out. "Kaede! I'm here!" And then another voice, "Me too!" Inuyasha's, of course. Kaede fought back a hysterical laugh. It was about time. No need to sound so excited, foolish thing. We wouldn't miss you if you were anywhere in a half-mile radius._

_Kaede lowered her bow in relief. Kikyo and Inuyasha were here. It would all be all right. Her first reaction was one of happiness. But annoyance followed close behind. "So she just conveniently forgot that we were all sitting ducks back here? Sister Kikyo has never been this careless. I can't believe her," Kaede thought, with an edge of bitterness. Kikyo must never forget. It was a matter of life or death to the rest of them._

_"Ouch!" Kaede felt something sharp sting her eye. Apparently, the demon, noticing the girl put her guard down, had shot something at her face, and it, whatever it was, had hit her eye. Kaede immediately put her hand up to her eye and felt something wet and warm. She tremblingly removed her hand and saw that it was covered in crimson liquid. Blood._

"_Kaede!" Kikyo shot an arrow at the demon, and it disintegrated. But a moment too late. "Are you all right?"_

"_I think so. It doesn't hurt too much," Kaede lied. It hurt like the dickens. A cold, sharp hurt. She felt the blood steadily trickle through her fingers. She hadn't thought that it was possible for there to be so much blood from such a small wound._

_Within minutes, the demons were gone. Kikyo led her sister into their shelter. She cleaned the wound and gently bandaged it. She was solemn and entirely too silent the whole time. Inuyasha watched, not daring to speak. Kikyo was obviously angry. She was always quiet when she was furious. But who was she angry at? Kaede, for getting hurt? The demon, for hurting her? Inuyasha, for keeping her away all day? Or herself, for not being there? _

_They all had a pretty good idea as to which one it was._

She was angry with herself, of course. She was livid because she had failed to protect what had meant to so much to her. Her own sister. And sadly, I was never able to see out of that eye again. It was powerful demon poison that had entered through the wound, and it blinded me for life. It didn't matter to me that much. I could see fine out of the other eye, I reasoned, so it wasn't important. Yes, I was angry at her the first week or so after the incident, but she so angry with herself, that I could hardly stand to be angry at her too.

She talked a lot less after that. She apologized to me every day. She found all sorts of herbs to try out as a poultice. We both knew that none of them would work, but determinedly, blindly, she kept at it anyway. It was almost as if she was trying to show the world that she was trying to atone for what she did wrong.

For a little while, she even refused to spend time with Inuyasha, tacitly implying that it was being with him that led to the whole incident. It wasn't his fault at all, but that didn't stop her from thinking that way. He tried to help in his own gruff but sweet way, and his visits always made me happier. But Kikyo didn't talk to him while he came to see me. Not even to say thank you. And she was never rude. I didn't know what had gotten into her. Did she really put some of the blame on him? I couldn't believe that my kind-hearted sister would do that, but it seemed the only explanation.

I saw the wounded look in his eyes every time he paid a visit. He was really upset that she was angry with him. How could she do such a thing? Didn't she see how sad he was? He just wanted to be with her, and she was denying his only happiness. I wanted to tell her how cruel she was being, but I could hardly scold my sister in matters of love.

But, he did not come to see her. The visits were purely for me. He would spend hours, playing games with me, even telling me stories, which he knew that I loved. I learned a lot about him during that time. I learned that he was really quite lonely, and couldn't stand it being without other people, despite his tough "I-don't-need-anyone" attitude. I saw the softer side of him that few people would ever see. I think he liked having a little sister. And I liked having a big brother. So when Kikyo was disinclined to act like a big sister, I could lean on him. I liked that. He became family.

Kikyo was silent for a long while. And it was a horrible silence. But the worst thing was, Kikyo tended after Onigumo herself again. She didn't ask me to go, and I wouldn't insist. I was a little too happy about that, but it also made me worried. Spending time with him only ever led to worse things. Didn't Kikyo see that?

I was sure that she had let slip to him that she loved Inuyasha. I was sure of it. Because two weeks after she began to visit him again, he disappeared. There was supposedly a fire in the cave, and he had burned to death. Kikyo had told me, with a rather regretful look in her eyes. And I let myself believe it, though deep down, I thought that it would not be so easy to get rid of him.

In the meantime, she and Inuyasha had made up. They spent time with each other again. Normally, this would have made me jealous, but I was so happy to see her out of her depression stage, that I wasn't too bothered. Besides, Inuyasha still came to visit me, which made me ecstatic to know that he wasn't coming to see me just to butter up Kikyo. He really did like being with me.

One day, Kikyo came home with a wide smile on her face and told me that Inuyasha was staying with us for good. "But not as you remember him," she added.

"Huh?" I was confused. What did she mean?

"Oh, you'll see," she responded with nonchalance.

I didn't push it. Because if I did, she wouldn't have heard me anyway. She was too lost in her own dream world.

Kikyo was really annoying me, those days. So she stopped picking herbs for my eye. That wasn't what bothered me. We both knew it was useless anyway. She was just so, airy and girlish. My sister had never acted like that before. It was like she had gone from a mature eighteen-year-old, to a giggling twelve-year-old who had never seen a boy before. She seemed uninterested in me, even ignored me at times. Where had my sister gone? I missed her wide-eyed seriousness, her quiet assuredness in all things, her aloof and silent personality. I missed _her_. That was what my sister was and her new behavior signified something else. This was not my sister. Was this what Inuyasha wanted? A shallow, callous girl who acted like everyone else? Was this really what he wanted in a girl? I was sure it wasn't. A certain conversation with him stuck with me for a long time.

_"Hey, Inu no nii-chan," Kaede said thoughtfully._

_"Yeah? What?" he responded._

_Kaede fiddled with her fingers, obviously wanting to say something, but not daring to. Kikyo and Inuyasha were friends again, and Kikyo was acting stranger than ever. If this was the real Kikyo, she wanted the fake one back._

"_Well, if you have to say something, say it!" He grumbled._

_She hesitated for a moment. Would Inuyasha understand? He was with Kikyo most of the time. Surely, he would have noticed the change in her sister's behavior. But the question was, would it have mattered to him? He loved her, after all._

"_Do you think Kikyo acts…well…different now?" There. She had said it. Now she'd listen for his response. Actually, she didn't expect anything much. Except for denial and for him to tell her that she was being crazy. _

_He was silent for a moment. "What do you mean?" he asked slowly._

_Kaede pondered how to say it in a coherent way. "Well…she talks a lot now. And she laughs a lot. Which is good…I guess. But it's in a way that isn't like her. She's just so…oh, I don't know…irritating." Kikyo was. It may have been rude for her to think this, but Kaede was exasperated when she spent too much time with her sister. It wasn't a good feeling, and she wished she didn't feel that way, but she did._

"_Yessss," he said. "You're right. She is a little…a little different. She didn't used to be like this. Not when we met. She used o be quiet and polite and very…grown-up? Is that the word I want to use? Yeah. That was it. But, she acts like any silly girl would now. I wonder what happened."_

_Kaede was stunned. That was a lot to say, especially from him. But she could tell that he was thinking hard. Thinking out loud. It wasn't directly to her. But she had gotten him to thinking about it. _

_There was one thing Kaede was sure about. She was sure that Kikyo wasn't possessed or an imposter, or anything of that sort. It was definitely her sister. She had just changed in an inexplicable way. For better or worse._

That was all Inuyasha had to say about it. He changed the subject, and soon, we were laughing and playing some silly little game like we usually did. But the atmosphere had changed, and I could feel it. I was sure that he could too.

It wasn't that I was upset about it. I was just bothered. I had often thought about, when I was younger, if Kikyo would have been happier if she were just a normal village maiden. Is that what she would be like? I knew that I would have been happier. I always wanted to just fit in with the other village girls and boys. But I would never have that chance. I knew I would have happier, but Kikyo wouldn't have. She was never one to want to be normal. She liked being a little above everyone else. She didn't treat anyone beneath her, but I knew she enjoyed being privileged and special. She was, above all else, lonely. She liked the attention.

Kikyo never wanted to be "just the average girl." She never would have wanted to act like some boy-crazy village wench. I knew it. But then, why was she so different? I also knew that a key part of her love was that she wanted his attention. She wanted his attention to be just for her. She was always that lonely attention-hungry girl. Even if she had masked it with her cool exterior. I knew her for what she was inside. But I had thought better of her.

Sometimes, just before I would fall asleep, I would wonder whether she really and truly loved him. Was it just another ploy of hers to get attention? And secretly, in the depths of my heart, I knew that a large part of it was. Every important decision she had ever made in her life was to get that ever-rare attention. She became a miko, so she could be admired above all the other girls. She became a demon-slayer so that the villagers would need her. Even this love, it was a needy love. Was my sister such a horrible person? No. She wasn't. This was just the way she was. When our parents died, she felt like no one would ever love her again. She clung to me. She needed me. Just like I needed her, but I hadn't seen at the time that she needed me just as much.

No matter how much love she would get in her lifetime, no matter how safe, how needed, how sheltered she would eventually be, she was always that lonely village girl who had lost her parents. And so that's how she became the woman she was. She lived off attention, thrived off of it. That's just who she was.

She didn't need me as much now, and I could feel it clearly. She would be okay with leaving me in our house for the entire day without a second thought. She had Inuyasha. She had the villagers. She didn't need me. Sure, she was a selfish person. But we all have our faults. I loved her just the same, but I worried. I worried a lot.

But I set aside my worries when I learned that she had convinced Inuyasha to stay with us, permanently. I was pleased to know he would be able to spend time with us more and more. I didn't question her plan, but I knew it had something to do with the Shikon Jewel, as she spent time praying in the shrine that day. She hadn't set eyes on the Jewel for a long time.

I should have known something would go wrong. I should have known that using the Jewel never results in anything good. I should have known that Onigumo's disappearance signaled something ominous coming our way. I should have known it.

The next day was a blur. I had adopted the bad habit of sleeping in late those days. There wasn't much priestess work to do anymore. Generally my days were spent stuffed up in the house, perhaps doing some cleaning, or otherwise spending time with my new big brother. None of it required waking up early.

I was awakened by the sound of the shrine being pillaged. Jumping up, I had rushed to see who it was, only to catch a flash of red. But I knew who it was was. Inuyasha. The Jewel, subsequently, was gone.

There was a commotion going on outside, and I burst out the door to see what it was. My sister had just limped back home; two large slashes in her side and another into her shoulder. She was bleeding profusely, a thick trail of blood behind her. Her face was twisted in such terrible anger that I stepped back for a moment, frightened. She paid no heed to me, but instead, grabbed a bow and a quiver full of arrows.

I was amazed by how quickly she rushed to the Sacred Tree with her wounds. I wondered why. I knew it had something to do with Inuyasha, but I was having trouble connecting the whole situation together. I just remembered, in the back of my head, recalling what the Sacred Tree did. My sister had once remarked that it sealed a demon in eternal sleep, until the one who fired the arrow, removed it again. Was she going to seal a demon?

I only remember rushing up to see her draw back an arrow, screaming, "Die, Inuyasha!" and letting it fly. I choked back a cry as the arrow flew straight and true, deep into his chest and effectively pegging him to the tree. The Shikon Jewel slipped from between his fingers and fell to the dusty ground. I stood motionless, watching. I was crying. Not for my sister. I was crying for my big brother.

Perhaps Kikyo did not hear his last words, but I heard them, for I was the only one who was listening to him. It broke my heart to hear them.

_"Kikyo…why? But I thought…"_

I didn't know what they meant, and it didn't really matter to me. I just saw his head slump forward onto his chest, and he was asleep. Forever.

My sister called my name, and I was jolted to my senses. I crept up to her side and saw the pain in her face.

_"Listen, Kaede. I want you to burn this Jewel with my body. That way, no one can ever use it for evil again."_

She winced at the pain, and then crumpled to the ground. My sister was dead.

I was stunned. I had lost my entire family in the span of a few hours. I knew that my sister attributed her death to Inuyasha. But as I stood, staring at his sleeping face, somehow, I couldn't bring myself to believe it.

My brother? He was going to be my brother-in-law. He, who had come to play with me every day without fail, he, who had told me bedtime stories long after my sister had stopped, he, who had promised me that he would take care of me forever, he was the one who killed my sister? I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it.

I didn't know how this all happened, but I knew it wasn't his fault. That was one thing I was absolutely sure about. If I knew it wasn't him, then why was my sister so easily convinced? I mean, did she even really think about it? Wasn't she the one who loved him? If I trusted him so much, surely she must have trusted him all the more. But she didn't. I wondered why. I still believed in his innocence, deep inside.

We burned my sister's body, just as she had requested, with the Jewel enfolded in her hands. I watched the flames ate at her, until she had disintegrated into ash. Then we buried her remains, and built a shrine.

I watched it all in silence. And I listened every day, as the villagers cursed that wretch who was Inuyasha. My heart bled pain and sorrow. I couldn't tell them no. In their eyes, Lady Kikyo could do no wrong, so naturally, it wasn't her fault. Did they even think that maybe there had been a mistake? "Half-demons just can't be trusted." How many times had I heard that? Not once did I correct them. Not once did I have the courage to speak up.

Every day, I would carve a smile onto my face and go about life, a doll, a puppet. I wasn't living it. No, I wasn't really there. I just went through the motions.

Every night, I would cry. I would cry for many things. I would cry for my sister, who had died such a useless death. I would cry for the love of a family that I had lost. I would cry for myself, for having nothing left in the world to call my own. But most of all, I would cry for my big brother, Inu no nii-chan, who had died for no apparent reason, who had died for loving my sister and loving me. I cried.

Once, fleetingly, I thought of Tsubaki and her curse, and I wondered if she was still alive. Probably. I was surprised at how little it bothered me. She seemed insignificant in the whole scheme of things. Maybe it wasn't even her fault; maybe it wasn't the curse. Maybe it was just the way things were fated to happen. One thing led to another, and we were left like this. I found that I did not blame her.

Some days, I would go to the forest and sit beneath the God Tree and watch him slumber. He looked so peaceful and calm. What was he thinking? Did he ever think of me? I didn't know. It was a terrible fate. He would be pegged there forever, for my sister was dead, and the one who shot the arrow would never be able to remove it. Many a time I had stood on my tiptoes and tried to pull out the arrow. Of course, it never worked. Every year, on my birthday, I would allow myself to try. It was my birthday wish, of sorts. If he could be freed, my wish would have been granted. But this was the one wish in the entire world that could not be granted. Never, not in a thousand years.

And so, I watched him, every week, every month, every year. Watched as I grew old and he stayed young. I became the new village miko. I fended off the demons, which became fewer and fewer, because the Jewel was gone.

I knew that this was the life I was destined to live. And I was fine with it. This is what fate had handed me, and I would do my best with it. My sister was done. She could rest in peace for the rest of eternity. She had gotten what she wanted. She had gotten love. She had gotten her oh so precious attention. I thought no more of her. Sometimes, I would think of the faerie tales she told me, how she had promised we would live happily ever after together. And I'd laugh. A sad, lost laugh. There are no happily ever afters. Even had she lived, we would not have lived happily together. Kikyo was a woman who could never be happy, no matter how much she had. And so, death was the best thing for her, after all. She could rest in peace.

But my brother, he was not done. He had had a whole life to live, a whole love to give. And now, there was no one to give it to, no life to enjoy. I felt that his fate was the worst of all of us. I wished so hard that I could do something for him, but I couldn't. I felt so helpless. Why did it have to end this way?

It was odd, watching myself age in the sliver of a mirror I owned. I grew to be a pretty woman, I suppose. Never as pretty as Kikyo, but still pretty all the same. I never married. That was the one thing that I refused to do. No lover could ever replace the brotherly and sisterly love I had once received. So I aged, alone. I watched as my skin sagged and wrinkled, as my sleek black hair faded to a dull dun color. And I laughed. A whole youth, wasted to nothing. I had grown older than my big brother. I was the older one now.

So, just sometimes, I would go to the God Tree on clear nights, and climb, best as an old woman could, to the place where he was still hanging. And I would kiss his forehead and whisper "good night," just as he had done for me when I was a girl. It was always a kiss to bed, for he would never awake.

Every time there is a falling star, I wish with all my heart that he would wake up. He once taught me to wish on stars. My sister had laughed and told me it was useless. But my sister had once told me demons were all evil, and she had been wrong. I just wanted him to be alive again. He deserves it, more than any of us. So I wait. Because I have wished on four hundred and fifty-two stars, since I was eight. Eventually, the gods have to grant my wish, right? So I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And now, as I watch the stars come out one by one, I will kiss him good night again, and pretend, like I always do, that I am still eight years old, and that he will wake up tomorrow morning.

Good night, for tonight, dear brother. Let me pretend, for just one more night.

**A/N: Whew! Well, so now you've read it, please leave a review! I mean, why waste your life reading such a long story if you don't review? So please and thank you! This is my first Inuyasha story. I hope that I made it as unique as I meant for it to be. Please leave a thought, good or bad. Maybe if I find enough interest, I'll expand it into a full-fledged novella.**


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